someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
