I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
