turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
