I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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