When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
