WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
