i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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