I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
