You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
