Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
