You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm at about main and main street
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
