Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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