Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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