I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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