You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
