Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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