:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
