It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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