After last night, I could never be a politician.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
When are your genitals available?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
