apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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