ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
