So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
