He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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