I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
this will be a night to untag.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
