Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
