You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
