i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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