My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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