I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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