This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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