now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
