I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
