Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
