Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
