my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
