It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
