i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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