it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
