No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Hippo gnu deer
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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