Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
