i wish my penis had a tongue
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
