And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
