We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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