i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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