I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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