I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
