I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
