I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
