my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
