Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
