Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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