Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
