I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
