Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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