When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just forgot I was standing up.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
