We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
