Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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